I am having a difficult time knowing what the future holds for my son. I feel that ever since his diagnosis, and subsequently educating myself on his condition I felt I had some understanding. Seeing the film The Boy Inside really brought things home. I have trouble speeking about my son without getting emotional.I am a business owner, coach hockey on weekends and concider myself a pretty happy,thick skinned guy. This is all I can think about now, I think about my son every minute of every day and the hurdles that he will face. I look at my sons twin brother, who has no sign of AS and cant help feeling really depressed. How am I going to get through this, I feel that the sparkle in my eye is gone.I will work hard to do everything in my power to help him but I am carrying this tremendous weight.
Any advice,or communication would be appreciated. I feel that I have no one to talk to, who understands.
Jason Western,Ontario
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Parents/Adults Forum
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Feeling Really Depressed...
Submitted by Graham Kendall on Fri, 2006-10-27 12:55.
Hey,
you guys have to realize that your sons WILL get better if you are there to back them up. The best thing that ever happened to me when I was 14 was the time my dad asked "what do you want to do today?" Because the mother is always the one they are speaking too it seems uncommon for them to find refuge in their dad's arms. Its not uncommon for an aspie kid to not feel a need for hugs from someone as intimidating as their dad, so what I found was that when my dad came down to my level and started asking questions and trying to get to know me, it felt like I won the lottery. I found that some of my worst memories when I was little were arguments with my dad. I felt bad not being able to understand what he was asking and he think he didn't understand it as well. However as it turns out, I happened to end up a billion times better than we, even I, could have ever wished.
Its all about support guys, but also don't forget that when trying to tell him that something is inappropriate to try and stay on as neutral ground as possible. The last thing you would want is to get your child back on the defensive and have a huge agrument that started with something very small.
Any other questions just ask,
Graham Kendall
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I agree
Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 2006-10-27 12:01.
Peter, I agree, Dylan has 3 brothers. 2 which are oler 7 & 5 and a paternal twin, so I think you are right about the role of expectations. It is just so fresh for me. We only received confirmation of his condition whithin the last 4 months and were so caught up in the situation we never even thought about what his adolescent years were going to be like. Having said that I would rather know than not know. The documentary was so powerful,for me it was the first visual reference I have had. I know things will get better as we get stronger as a family. I feel I have awakened from a sleep. Thank you for this site.
Jason
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feeling really depressed
Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 2006-10-27 10:26.
I understand what you say. My son has asperger too and I encounter the range from people who don't get it so much that they think I am "blowing his problems out of proportion" and there's nothing wrong and problem is really the mom/me to the other end of the spectrum with people who treat him like he is retarded (he is very bright even according to the diagnosis) or somehow he doesn't deserve the same respect as other kids.
I have an aspie husband too who is doing so well you couldn't tell he has asperger (although living with him I certainly can, because he does have problems).
So the future may be a lot better than you think. Also another positive thing I can say is that the "live in the moment" thing seems to make it a lot easier for them to handle this than you think....at least in my family. They are not bothered by any of this as much as you think they should be.
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Thank You
Submitted by Anonymous on Fri, 2006-10-27 10:36.
Thank you for your kind words, I like what you said about the living in the moment, you are right. It is easy to project all these emotions because as the parent I am immersed in the uncertainty of the future. It is easy to forget that this way of thinking does not apply for my son.Thank you to those responsible for this site. The power of communication with someone who shares my feelings is more important than anything.Therapeutic.
Jason
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Feeling Really Depressed